I haven't blogged in a while, and up to this point I haven't felt ready to share this burden that has been on Daniel's and my hearts for quite some time. It began in January 2002 (a year before we married) when we still knew very little about China or the orphan situation there. Daniel and I were discussing our future family and I said that I wanted to adopt an orphan from China. I had never thought about it very deeply before that second, and it just came out. How odd to have said something I didn't even realize! That day Daniel and I had this imprint made in our hearts. It was the beginning...
To make a long story short... we got married, had 3 wonderful blessings, and then out of the blue right before Ladybug's first birthday it hit me. This stirring, and burden in my heart. I told Daniel and guess what... he felt it too. I went to Berean for "Storytime" a few weeks after that and Ladybug won a book called '
Shaoey and Dot' by Marybeth Chapman about a ladybug who finds an abandoned orphan in China and accompanies her home to her forever family in America. That about knocked me over! I was sobbing in the car driving home... Caleb in the back seat said, "What's the matter mom?" and I replied, "This is just a really good book!!!" So when we got home he took the book and sat on the couch and read it, fake-sobbing through the whole thing and saying, "Mom your right, this IS a really good book!"
But it's not that simple, and that's why it's taken me a year to even say a word about it. If you know anything about international adoption you probably know that the process is very expensive. There is no way we could come up with that kind of money. So we started saving, and carefully budgeting everything... and one year later only have a small percentage saved up- just enough to cover the application and homestudy. Recently we were talking about "walking by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7) and Daniel said that if we keep trying to do this on our own (1) how will God ever get the glory for making it happen? (2) It will never happen.
We also had to work through all the thoughts and feelings involved with the changes an adoption will make in our family. The child will have some type of minor special needs and will need a lot of love and attention. Ladybug will no longer be the baby. I will have much more on my plate to balance and juggle. We prayed about these things and more, and Satan whispered in my ear that I was inadequate, undeserving, and it just couldn't happen. It came in waves of 'what if's' and I even tried to stop thinking about it for a while but couldn't. Turning our backs on this child is impossible.
So we're stepping out in faith knowing that God is more than capable of placing one of His precious orphans into our family. Where God guides, He provides. I spent the last year fighting off fear over this issue and thinking it just couldn't happen but I realize now that I cannot allow the worries to be a stumbling block. I refuse to live in fear. I don't want to walk by sight anymore. Give me new perspective Lord, a vision only you can give!
The spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Right now we are in the process of selecting an agency-- we have it narrowed down to two and hope to make this decision and send in this application very soon. I don't know why this is so hard!!! God can use whichever agency and I just need to trust in Him.
Please come along side us, and pray for us. We really need your love and encouragement!
It's official.
